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Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Review: KRAA! THE SEA MONSTER (1998)

You know the drill.  Eighty-plus movies on THIS list ... trying to finish before May 16 when Godzilla opens.

Today's movie is Kraa! The Sea Monster (1998).


My son will go first:
Well, starring in this one, Mario as a space mushroom, the good empire (since their ship looks like a Death Star), and a sea demon. But anyways, there was one part where Kraa crushes a building with a Godzilla poster on it. i like it, i hated it, we all hated it. 
So, rating wise, i'll say 2.3 out of 5 Atomic Breaths of Awesomeness!!!
My turn:
From the people who gave us Zarkorr! comes this ... this ... thing. 
Look.  I won't bother with a lengthy synopsis or rundown of all that's right and wrong with it.  That would mean I'd be spending more time on this than the filmmakers did.  Here's just a few of the biggest tidbits. 
Kraa itself is reminiscent of a large reptilian Critter: 
Mogyar, the alien sent to stop Kraa, speaks with a massively stereotypical Italian accent (not unlike a certain Nintendo character), is never shown in full and looks like a cross between a Koopa and a Goomba: 
Because the main narrative thread of the film came up short (the whole thing is only about 65 minutes), they apparently later filmed and then shoehorned several segments into the movie.  These all involve horrifically dated CG visual effects and a distinctly Power Rangers-esque group of attractive twenty-somethings called "Planet Patrol": 
(That's Alison Lohman on the far right as a rookie psychic, annoyingly called "kid" by the blonde '90s "sk8ter boi" douche next to her.) 
Speaking of Power Rangers, the villain who sent Kraa to Earth is this guy, Lord Doom: 
In the end, once Kraa is defeated by a staggeringly well-rounded biker scientist, the Planet Patrol fight Doom in one of the worst fights I've ever seen committed to celluloid.  Or VHS, I guess. 
I know this isn't supposed to be high cinema.  I know it's supposed to be fun.  The problem is ... it's so bad it's distracting. 
Kraa! The Sea Monster ... so very bad.  0.5 out of five atomic breath blasts.
Here's the trailer:

Up next, Rebirth of Mothra III.

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