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Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Review: DAIGORO VS. GOLIATH (1972)

Last year, my son and I decided to watch as many kaiju-style monster movies as we could before the new Godzilla movie opens.  We ended up with a list (HERE) of more than seventy films.

Movies like Daigoro vs. Goliath (1972) make us think we've made a terrible mistake.

I'll review it first:
You know, when the title card appears and it reads "Tsuburaya Productions," it's enough to inspire a little bit of hope, as Eiji Tsuburaya was the effects master behind most of Toho's great films. 
There are bad movies.  There are movies that are goofy.  There are movies that combine both bad and goofy.  Daigoro is one such movie, but unlike other films on our list, there is nothing enjoyable or redeeming about its goofiness or badness.  At all. 
The basic story is this: a monster attacked Japan some years ago and was killed.  Its baby was found and then raised by some guy.  Feeding the child kaiju was growing expensive so there were fundraisers being held to help pay for it.  Then another monster attacked and the baby fought the bad guy monster and beat it.  Having won the hearts of Japan, the government decides to go ahead and feed the child kaiju after all. 
OK.  The story seems fine.  The execution is atrocious. 
Whereas in painful movies like Gamera vs. Zigra the children are insufferable and the adults are typically stupid, in this film, everyone is insufferable.  There's the drunk who tries to give up drinking so he can help feed Daigoro.  There's the inventor who has a five minute imaginary scene about magic red shoes.  ...  It's all so very painful. 
Usually in an otherwise painful movie, the monster scenes are a saving grace to some degree. 
 Not here.  Nope. 
The mother kaiju flashback is OK but brief ... though she has wind-blown hair straight out of a Herbal Essence commercial.  Daigoro himself looks like a giant hippo with accordion-folds for arms (and with the expected wonky musical accompaniment).  "Goliath" looks like an even fakier Baragon, minus the ears.  At the end, they take a page out of Gamera's book and launch it into space. 
Look.  I could spend several paragraphs more telling you what's wrong with this film and the crazy stuff in it, but, instead, I'll point out something at the bottom of the poster. 
You see that?  That's Daigoro in a giant (five-story tall, I'm guessing) toilet stall.  We see it at the beginning of the movie and I looked askance at it.  At the end, we see it again.  In use.  And Daigoro pulls the chain to flush it.  That should tell you something. 
Daigoro vs. Goliath ... If only I could flush the memory of this film away.  0 out of five atomic breath blasts.
My son, James, goes next:
Well, this movie was so horrible, it's not worth a full review. Check it out if you like to watch really really bad movies. So, rating wise i'll say 4.999999 out of 5 Atomic Farts of Foulness!! 
That's like 0.000001 out of 5 Atomic Breath Blasts of Awesomeness! 
Yeah, it's that bad.
Here's the trailer:

Up next, Godzilla vs. Megalon.  (Jet Jaguar!)

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